This post was written a while back but still continues to be relevant. I decided to share this now since October is miscarriage and infant loss awareness month and it’s an issue I really want to bring to light.
I’d like to share more about what it’s like to lose a pregnancy and deal with infertility, so stay tuned for some more intimate posts from Babytalk in the future.
Let’s start with this one that I wrote after our last miscarriage.
Apparently, I’m a Lady
So, we went to see a fertility specialist.
Wow, I never thought I would ever write that sentence in my life. But here we are…
My husband and I have been married for a year and a half now. It goes without saying that we want kids together. Nothing seems more natural to me than to procreate with your life partner. Since I had a baby before, I never thought getting pregnant would be a problem for us.
I totally took that for granted.
I had my first son when I was 24 years old, so we could say a lot has changed since then. Namely, I’m basically an old woman now in regards to fertility. Even the doctor said it, he even used the term, LADY. He said, “as you know, the success rates for a LADY like you begin to decline after 35 years of age”.
How old am I again? Right, I’m a 36-year-old LADY.
Basically, the first appointment entailed going over both of our health/pregnancy histories. We have had two miscarriages in the past year, so he classified me as “late maternal age with recurrent losses”. He piled on us a bunch of blood work to be completed on certain days of my cycle. Plus, I have to go for a detailed ultrasound of my lady bits to see if there is a mechanical issue. Oh, and my husband needs to deposit a “sample”.
It’s going to be some fun times!
I’m a pretty private person and usually wouldn’t dare to share intimate information about my health and private life on the world wide web. But it has come to my attention, that this issue isn’t addressed nearly as much as it should be.
In my experience, women are ashamed when they can’t get pregnant or repetitively miscarry. I think it’s part of a bigger societal and cultural issue, where women inherently take the blame or feel responsible when things don’t quite work out the way they should. On the outside we want everything to look perfect, even though it isn’t.
Talking about and normalizing the issue really is the only way to reduce the stigma around infertility. The facts are clear. One out of 4 women miscarry. It’s nothing to be ashamed of. It’s something that happens naturally and is out of our control.
That’s why I want to document our journey to becoming pregnant. I want to open the discussion and make it easier for women to confidently talk about their experiences. The next time someone asks people why they’re not “making babies”, I want women, and men for that matter, to be more comfortable in saying, “We are trying and it’s taking a long time” or “I did make babies and lost them”. Miscarriage and infertility are realities of life and should be talked about.
To be honest, I really struggle with this too and have rarely shared our journey with others. It really isn’t anyone’s business whether we are trying to make a baby or not. You’ll know when it happens. But that’s not the way our society works, we are all in this together, and we are interested in each other.
I’m want to become more open and honest about the journey because I think it will be of great benefit for all!
The Road Ahead
The next steps for us are more blood work, the ultrasound and something called a sonohystogram (I’ll be totally honest and tell you I’d never heard of it until we saw the fertility doctor). I’ll keep you posted!
Honestly, I’m excited about this journey and my plan is to take super good care of myself with diet and exercise and to mentally let go and let the process just happen. Like so many other things in life, pregnancy is out of our control.
Love to all!